


Who Is Josh's Ex Sending Nudes To?

by Anonymous



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-22 22:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10706007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: For the prompt "accidental nudes," or, more accurately, "'accidental' nudes."Valencia really needs to learn to use her words.





	Who Is Josh's Ex Sending Nudes To?

**Author's Note:**

> Set after 205 but before 207.

"No," she said, and the bag of chips fell to its side in her rush for the box of Kleenex. "Chuck, why do you do this to him? All he wants is for you to be proud of him, Chuck, that's all he wants." Bob Odenkirk's sad little face was breaking her heart.

So in a way, the incoming text was a relief. She hit the pause button before Chuck could unleash his next cruelty on poor, unsuspecting Jimmy, and squinted at the thumbnail, then went to Message and--

She slammed her laptop shut and ran down the hall and pounded on Valencia's door, then realized why that was a bad idea when Valencia opened the door, not completely naked like she had been in the picture, but still pretty naked.

"Uh," said Rebecca, because Valencia's kimono was hanging open, and the lighting in person was a lot more complimentary and it glowed warmly on her skin, and as good as she looked in the picture she looked better now, all of her, even her face, which has dropped the sexy pout look for concern.

Really, thought Rebecca, staring at her abs, it was like she'd never eaten a carbohydrate in her life. How was that fair?

"Rebecca?" Valencia asked, and Rebecca snapped out of a number that may have involved inspecting Valencia's hips and wondering where had all the muffins gone, long time passing, except when the staff gave you a bran muffin by accident, and then--

"Vee!" She grabbed the edges of Valencia's robes and pulled them shut for her own sanity. "I am so glad you accidentally sent that nude to me instead of whatever guy you were-- Wait, were you sending it to Josh?"

"What? Of course I'm not sending nudes to Josh, don't be gross."

Rebecca sighed in relief and staggered into Valencia's room and flopped down on Valencia's bed, because she didn't have a chair, just that stupid rubber ball that Rebecca had fallen off of like twenty times already. "Look," she said, as Valencia perched on the bed beside her with a closed-off, sullen look on her face, "I know you and Josh were together since cellphones were about the size of three cameras but didn't actually have any cameras, but, Vee, the world has changed. You can't go around sending naked pictures to a guy just because he asks for them."

Valencia frowned. "I don't send nudes to people because they ask. I send nudes to people because I want to."

Rebecca was very proud of herself for not saying, _Oh, my sweet summer child._ Very, very proud of herself for shelving the talk about having internalized the patriarchy's narrative for a later date. "Okay, but you still can't send them like that. Seriously, have you never heard of revenge porn?"

Valencia looked upset. Rebecca was taking that as a yes. "Look," she said, "the first rule of sending nudes is you don't put your face in there."

"God," said Valencia, "I need a drink."

She stalked out, came back with a bottle of rosé and two glasses. Rebecca had never said no to rosé before and she wasn't planning on starting to tonight.

"Okay," she said, after having finished her first flute way too fast, "no showing my face."

"No showing anything that's personally identifiable," corrected Rebecca. Valencia seemed so tough and self-assured that sometimes Rebecca forgot about the gross math teacher and how vulnerable she was to exploitation. Josh might have been the worst but Rebecca could imagine the string of terrible boyfriends Valencia might have had if it hadn't been for him, so maybe Josh wasn't the _absolute_ worst. "The face is a definite no, but so are your tattoos, that picture you sent had pretty much your whole 'anal doesn't hurt at all' tattoo in it."

"My _what_?" said Valencia, and Rebecca almost choked on her rosé.

She started to push Valencia's robe aside before remember that Valencia was wearing nothing under it, and settled for patting Valencia in the general vicinity. Valencia breathed in sharply when Rebecca touched her there, and Rebecca wondered if that hurt, if tattoos hurt for that long, or maybe she was being a little too handsy, but it wasn't her fault Valencia put it there, or that Valencia was so smooth and muscled even through her kimono. "This puppy. Sorry, it's probably something in Tibetan or Sanskrit, I just call it the anal tattoo because it, uh, looks like this--it looks like this graffiti artist in New York's tag."

"His tag is anal?" Valencia looked disgusted.

"I know," said Rebecca, "men, am I right? Although he might be gay, it's not like we really know these things, so it could be less gross and more empowering, like, he likes it up the ass but that doesn't make him less of a man, and considering he has to brag about how much it doesn't hurt, he sounds very much like a man to me." Rebecca spared a moment's thought for this poor insecure imaginary street artist and how hard his fake life must be. "But, like, that's what it reminds me of."

Valencia narrowed her eyes. "It's _supposed_ to say, 'And I'm the only one who'd drown in my desire for you.' I blew this grad student at Pomona for the translations and everything."

"Oh my god," said Rebecca.

"Josh was supposed to get a matching one, an 'I'm the only one who'd walk across the fire for you,' but he chickened out because, surprise surprise, he had commitment issues."

Rebecca was still trying to process the paying for intellectual labor with sex thing. She was honestly just considering loading up Valencia's iPod with every podcast on feminism she could find. "I mean, I'm not saying that Josh doesn't suck or anything," and why did she have to say 'suck' just then, _why_? "but tattoos are a really big step."

"It was our tenth anniversary," said Valencia. "Besides, he didn't say anything until after I got mine done, and suddenly it was too painful. Like, his family expected me to push out three kids minimum, but he couldn't even get one little tattoo."

"Oh," said Rebecca, and wrapped her arms around Valencia. Valencia tensed a little, and then relaxed into the hug. She was still getting used to this friends thing. "He was so terrible. We deserve so much better." Valencia patted her awkwardly on the shoulder. Rebecca snuggled into the kimono. "You smell good. Like brown sugar and cinnamon."

"I ate three donut holes while I was getting the rosé."

"That explains it," said Rebecca. "That explains why I could just eat you up. And you're too sweet to be sending nudes to guys that can be used as revenge porn. You see, revenge porn--"

"I know what revenge porn is," said Valencia. "I mean, I teach yoga. It's all ill-advised sexting and juice cleanses and why their therapists are either so wrong or so right."

Rebecca blinked. "Yeah, but you don't _know_ -know, or else you wouldn't have sent some dude pictures with your face and tats in them. Like, you were so used to Josh and trusting that he'd never do that to you that you probably never even though twice."

Valencia swung straight up, the rim of her wineglass banging on the bedside table. Rebecca's lifted bodily from the bed, a little. "You did _not_ send nudes to Joshua 'babe, you won't believe the gift cards I just won' Felix 'but this poor Nigerian prince sounds like he needs my help' Chan."

"Oh," said Rebecca. Josh was so sweet and gullible and, yes, still the worst. "No. Although I think you must have trained him out of it because he never asked."

"Good," Valencia sniffed.

"I just," said Rebecca, "I just don't want you sending random guys pictures you'll regret, you know? You've been hurt so much already. Admittedly, part of that was your fiancé leaving you for me, but," she said, craning her face up, "this is me trying to make it up to you."

Valencia gave her this totally inscrutable look before sighing. "Okay. No more sending nudes to people who won't appreciate them."

"Good girl," said Rebecca. She snuggled closer and kind of wished that Valencia had brought up the donut holes. She could really go for some donut holes right now.

Valencia sighed again. "If you're going to fall asleep, you should probably get back to your own bed."

"No," whined Rebecca, but struggled upright anyway. She didn't want to go back to watching Jimmy realize he'd never be good enough for Chuck. She didn't want to explain that either, because Valencia could sometimes be scarily astute. Maybe she'd learned more about therapy from her yoga students than sext etiquette. Sextiquette? "Good night, Vee."

"Good night, Rebecca," said Valencia. "Leave the wine."


End file.
